


I Love You

by Kiwikiwi591



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Ficlet, His Last Vow, Johnlock - Freeform, M/M, tarmac scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-01
Updated: 2014-12-01
Packaged: 2018-02-27 16:33:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2699744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiwikiwi591/pseuds/Kiwikiwi591
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It shouldn't be so difficult, three words.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Love You

 

_John, there's something I should say, I've meant to say always and then never have..._

 

It shouldn’t be so difficult, three words.

The English language is comprised of approximately 1,025,109 words, but I cannot bring myself to say three of them together to you.

A phrase brought about by and associated with chemical impulses in the brain, really quite simple ones, and yet I find it impossible to say these to you despite the many opportunities I was given.

Once, when you shot a man to save my life only hours after we first met.

Twice, when it seemed that we’d met our end at the pool.

A third, when I realized how much it hurt me to have hurt you.

In all of them, I’d been _so close_ , only a breath away from saying it, but something stopped me. An invisible barrier, one that I’d put up myself years ago but you slowly tore down.

A fourth, when I fell for you for the second time.

Two years I spent away from you, but your voice and almost-touches and thoughts and mannerisms kept me from harm. Your memory was like a shield, filling in the gaps where you tore down my walls.

A fifth, when I thought you were incapable of forgiving me and I couldn’t bear the thought of it.

Things didn’t go as planned when I returned. I suppose it was ridiculous to expect an open-armed welcome considering what I’d put you through, but the depth of your anger and pain was absolutely beyond what I’d imagined.

A sixth, when you saved a life just in front of me yet again, and I was astounded by your kindness and something inside me just _ached_ knowing you weren’t mine.

When I returned, I knew I’d lost you long ago. Maybe I’d never had you at all. I was selfish, but I resolved myself to be different this time around; you were happy, and that’s all that mattered. It’s all that matters to me still.

And now a seventh, as I leave you for the second time. But this time, I know, I will not see you again.

I may not be seeing you again in my lifetime, but I can guarantee you are the last thing that will be in my mind.

No matter the way I meet my end, I can promise that the thought of what could have been and what I was given will be what I hold close.

It shouldn't be so difficult, three words.

I suppose if this is the last chance I have to say it-

_...Sherlock is actually a girl's name._


End file.
